Mommy-lead weaning 

So I pulled the plug yesterday. No more nursing or pumping (except on a very minimal basis so that I don’t die). I feel like shit; like the worst mother ever in the history of mothers (which I know isn’t true but that’s what it FEELS like, okay?)

The truth is I’m not doing well at all mentally/emotionally and any benefit I might have been getting from trying different meds to improve my situation (thus allowing me to be a more present and capable parent) were completely nullified by my constant anxiety that the meds were hurting my babies.

I know many meds are safe (I took Zoloft throughout my pregnancy) but my team and I are looking to some less well-studied alternatives to try to fix my broken brain and I just wasn’t comfortable. So I had to choose. 

And I chose the meds, and (hopefully) getting better, and being a better mom, and giving formula to my babies. So that we can all thrive together.

Right now it feels like an unbelievably selfish, painful, awful, irresponsible choice. I can only hope that will change with time.

4 thoughts on “Mommy-lead weaning 

  1. If mom and dad aren’t healthy, babies can’t be taken care of. You made the right decision for your family. I like Glennon Doyle Melton’s decision making process: do the next right thing. Love to you.

    BTW I haven’t been reading and commenting because I couldn’t find the link on fb. The one thst says WEBSITE in giant letters. Babies rot your brain.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What’s the thing they always say when giving instructions in case of emergency? Put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others.

    I remember the guilt when I gave up nursing but as I recall, it was followed shortly thereafter by a mild state of euphoria when I realized I wasn’t going to have to strap myself up to the machine that made me feel like a dairy animal while it taunted me with the breathless, rhythmic chant that sounded like it was pleading for “Vodka! Vodka! Vodka!”

    You’re listening to the right voices, friend. Life is hard enough without adding the pressures of milk production into the mix. Hope you come to accept that and let go of the guilt.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. No no no!! No feeling bad! You need to take care of you so you can take care of little one. Well, isn’t that trite. I do mean it though. I know that feeling. I wrote a post on my page called “the textbook generation” and I’m wondering if you might relate. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

    • From Kelsey’s mama- I hear you sweet girl, you do whatever you need to do to stay well and alive through this first year – the crazy year. You will make it – you will look back and not remember, the same way you can’t remember 8th grade because your feelings got hurt every other day. I am praying. You can do it!!!

      Liked by 1 person

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