Getting to be that time again. Honestly, I’m not sure I have the energy. I think going back to work while continuing to care for my family and myself is the big and only goal for this year. 

Maybe that and doing it all with more vulnerability and less fear. More yes and less no, we probably shouldn’t. More joy–the real, sustained kind, not everything is so great right now that I’m sure something terrible is about to happen. Constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop is exhausting and crazy-making. Life can just be good without there being some sort of bad thing lurking around the corner to even things out. 

Of course bad things will happen. They always do. They are part of life. Kids get sick, parents get older, spouses fight or worse, grow distant. But there is no point in holding back when your heart is full with joy simply because it might also be full with sadness sometime soon. That just lets the sad win all the time. I resolve not to let the sad win all the time.

And, maybe, to run another half marathon, assuming all the twin pregnancy internal maneuvering have not put me off running permanently. I’m convinced certain parts are still in the wrong place over four months out.

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