This shit is hard. I love my husband and I love my kids but the current combination of marriage and three small children is killing me softly everyday.
It’s just so much. So much to do and worry about and plan for. By the end of each day I am DONE, emotionally, mentally, physically DONE.
And I know that my husband draws the short straw most of the time these days and I hate that. I want to give him as much attention and tenderness and love as I do our three kids. But sometimes I just can’t. Hell, sometimes I can’t even manage it for the kids either (or at least that’s what it feels like).
I am doing the best that I can as a wife and a mom but I know sometimes I come up short. Sometimes they come up short too (at least the three year old and the hubs; can’t really expect much from the babies at this point).
I get that my little H-man doesn’t have much of an empathy concept yet, but it still hurts when he just doesn’t care how hard he is making something for me. I also understand that my husband has his own stresses and needs and I can’t expect him to anticipate and cater to all of mine all of the time.
But still, understanding doesn’t necessarily make it easier. Well, maybe easier but not easy. There are days when I feel lonely and bitter and maybe even a bit nostalgic for earlier less complicated times. And maybe I’m not supposed to say this sort of thing out loud but not saying it doesn’t mean it’s not happening. It is. Not all the time, by any means, but there are hard days, really hard days (and nights).
And maybe saying it out loud is a good thing. Because I know I can’t be the only one. Because hearing it from me means it’s okay that it’s happening to you, too. The struggle is real people and we are all struggling one way or another. But not alone, never alone.