Big red button

There are days, like today, when my finger just itches to push it: the big red button that will blow up my life. Why is self-destruction so seductive? 

But then, how could I ever be so selfish? I have children now, the ultimate game changer in terms of life responsibilities. They must be protected, at all costs. 

My life isn’t mine to fuck with anymore. I need to grow up. Stop fantasizing about things that will never be and stop taking bets I can’t afford to lose. 

This is it. There simply is no button anymore–a thought both terrifying and comforting. The only choice is to move forward; let go of the rest.

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