I know it’s really the little things that make up a life together. Not the big things, the highlights or the low-lights; only the things you do so often you hardly notice but still you do them, day after day, until suddenly you’ve been married ten years and have three children together.
It’s the little things that I want to focus on, to cherish, or at least recognize, instead of always searching the horizon for some big new change that will finally be the thing that makes me feel better, about myself and us and our life together.
There is no big new thing out there. There is only us, our kids, the life that we make together, one day, one hour, one little thing after another.
I want so badly for that to be enough. To be able to stop expecting something more or different. I’m so tired of looking for something that isn’t there, that isn’t coming.
I feel like my mind has betrayed me, betrayed us, and all I really is want to feel like myself again, to feel content here in my life as it is.